Is this not, at times, one of life’s hardest questions to answer? Naively I thought that by the time I was in my thirties I wouldn’t wrestle with it anymore.
But occasionally I do.
Thankfully I have come to realize that I am not alone. The other night I was reading Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas. Apparently, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrestled with the same question. In prison, at age 39, he wrote the following poem, just one month before his execution.
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.
Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!
I take great comfort in his words.
What’s something that speaks to your identity?
I hear what you’re saying. You want to succeed in life, you want to feel significant and you want to be happy. But often you feel tired, unsure, and a little depressed. You want to know how to break that cycle without spending massive amounts of money for motivation that won’t last, or investing massive amounts of time for change that won’t stick. You want life to be different but you’re not sure what to do. You’re not looking for a quick fix but neither do you want to start something that will feel like a burden for the rest of your life.
Here is my humble attempt to help with five practices that, when I choose to apply them, help lead me to happiness.
Celebrate– For me I’m currently celebrating that I have been created by God, and that God never stops pursuing me. I’m celebrating that this God of infinite knowledge and power wants to be with me, to teach me, to lead me, and to care for me. I’m celebrating that He has given me a wonderful wife and the best kids ever. I am celebrating that He has given me a job where I get to use my gifts and talents. And I am celebrating that I have friends and extended family that really love me. Starting my day with celebration changes everything.
Create– I am learning more and more that I am made to create. When I create I am reflecting God, my Creator. Therefore to create is an act of worship. The creations can be small- a blog post, a lesson plan, or lyrics to a song. The size and scope does not matter. What does matter is only that I am using my gifts, skills, or imagination to make something. Anything. When I create I feel significant, and when I feel significant, I feel happy.
Connect– There is almost nothing more valuable than taking time to connect with others. To be honest, this is often the hardest one for me. To pursue others truly, like God pursues me, takes real work and involves constantly fighting my fear of rejection. But God is continually reminding me that we are made for relationships. People want to be connected with. And happiness comes when I take the initiative to pursue people, even just one person each day.
Challenge-I don’t know about you, but it’s easy for my mind to dwell on negative thoughts, and there are great consequences for this. My negative thoughts lead to negative attitudes which in turn lead to negative practices. It has been said many times before, but it is so true: change starts with the thoughts in our head. I need to take time each day to challenge (and defeat) these thoughts. Scripture calls us to renew our minds (Romans 12:2), so I challenge my negative thoughts by spending time with God and letting Him fill my mind with His Word. I also like to find time to be inspired by others. Just the other day I read a quote by the legendary motivational speaker Zig Ziglar: “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” I need motivation every day, because I need to daily challenge my negative thoughts, negative attitudes, and negative practices. When I do, I am happy.
Be Consistent – Ok so I lied. Connecting with others is not the hardest practice for me– consistency is. Practicing the same things over and over again is incredibly difficult for me. There is a massive part of me that hates (with a capital “H”) routine. But I am learning that some routines are good. When I get up early each morning to spend time with God, exercise, and shower before my kids wake up, I am happier. Each morning that I choose to reorder my world in a small way by taking the time to make my bed, I am happier. Consistency is hard, but it is also the most essential because it fosters the continual enjoyment of the fruits of the other practices, so it too leads me to happiness.
Celebrate, Create, Connect, Challenge and Consistency. I pray that these practices would lead you to a little more happiness each day.
What other practices have helped you find happiness?
I remember the chapel like it was yesterday. In a college gymnasium, surrounded by thousands of students, I sat on what was usually an uncomfortably hard wooden bench. But on that day, my body did not squirm for comfort, because on that day my complete attention was on the charismatic Christian speaker in front of me. His sermon was well-crafted, his stories were funny, and all his applications of scripture were convincing. And with the Bible in his hand and deep conviction in his heart, he proclaimed with prophetic boldness words that spoke to my soul….”God,” he said, “has big plans for your life!” But his sermon did not end there. No, he then went on to give us the really good news: “God has bigger plans for your life than you could ever imagine.”
And thus began my season of despair…
Looking back, the problem was two-fold. One, at the time I could imagine some pretty big plans for my life. Once, when reading an article about a Billy Graham crusade, I saw a black and white photo of Dr. Graham preaching to a crowd of a million people. At the time it was the largest evangelistic crusade in history. With complete seriousness, I looked at that picture and prayed, “God would you use me to preach to two million people?” And, truth be told, at that time I could have imagined myself preaching to three million— if God needed me to.
Of course some will respond that I misinterpreted the speaker’s use of the phrase “big plans”. And I could not agree more. But this only illuminates the second of the two problems. Often, when well-meaning Christian teachers and preachers say these kinds of things, they never think to define what they mean by the term “big”. And so students, or chapel listeners (and, let’s be honest, even pastors) are left to define the term on their own. The problem is when most American Christians begin to imagine and dream about what it could mean for God to have “big plans” for their lives, their dreams often start to look like a Christian version of the American Dream. Tell a college student today that God has “big plans” for their life, and they’ll think God is going to use them to save the world, or at least “their” world—whatever that might be.
There was another chapel speaker that year who talked about God’s plans for your life. His sermon was also well-crafted, his jokes funny, and his scriptural applications convincing. But there, before a gymnasium full of college students, referencing Tolkien’s famous “The Lord of The Rings” trilogy, he spoke (what I now consider to be) truly prophetic words: “You are not the hero of the story. You are not Frodo. Rather, in the great battle of life, you are more like elf #351. But that is significant, because you are in the story.”
I have come to believe that God’s pleasure is often not in creating “big plans” for our lives (at least not the American kind), but rather in giving significance to the sometimes seemingly small plans He has for us.
Often there is nothing glamorous, nothing inspirational, and nothing “news-worthy” about the work Christ calls us to. Often we are simply called to be obedient and to follow wherever Christ leads. Most of the time these actions do not seem big at all— but they are significant. In Christ we are free to give up fantasies of American grandeur and instead rest in the knowledge that our lives are significant, no matter what we do, because it is Christ who gives significance to all of our life. The good news is that our stories are forever intertwined with His story. And so whatever we do, whether it seems big or small, it is a part of His grand eternal story, and that is significant.
In heaven I imagine we will meet missionaries who gave their lives to the work of the gospel while living in total obscurity. We will meet pastors who never published a book, never spoke at a conference, and never started a network, but did quietly and faithfully fulfill their calling to shepherd a flock. We will meet businessmen and women who never climbed the corporate ladder, but did live simple lives of kindness, and integrity. And there in heaven, I imagine we will see for the first time how Christ used every one of these lives and their actions to magnify His presence on earth. And there, before the throne of God, I imagine we will stand in awe of those once obscure and un-glorious people, and together with all the saints, we will praise God for their significant lives.
Have you ever heard someone tell you God has big plans for your life? What did you think when you heard that? Does the difference between “significant plans” vs. “big plans” resonate with you at all?
From time to time it happens. I begin to really doubt the existence of God. That might sound taboo coming from a pastor, but honestly there are times when the existence of God just seems crazy. And that’s ok. Having faith in an unseen, all-powerful being, in a world that screams “believe what you see” and “it’s all about me”, can sometimes take some work. So what do I do when I start to doubt the very Being I committed my life to? Well, I start by drinking heavily… no, no, no, I’m just kidding. I actually start by asking myself three fundamental questions about existence.
1. Why is there something rather than nothing?
Our universe is built out of matter—physical stuff—but where did the physical stuff come from? Matter doesn’t just pop into existence, nor does it exist eternally. Even famous atheist Richard Dawkins admits we currently don’t know where the matter for the origins of our universe came from. But his best guess is that maybe some intelligent aliens created our universe (http://youtu.be/abugiGHOHg0). That answer of course only pushes the question back to the universe of the aliens: How did they come to exist? When I think about such things, it makes much more sense to me that something outside and wholly unlike matter created matter. Something that was self- existent, eternal, and immaterial. Something that was intelligent with the ability to create. Something like God. Richard Dawkins would say, to posit God as creator of our universe is just lazy thinking—like coming up with any answer because you can’t take the time to think of anything better. But God is only a lazy answer if God does not actually exist, and if there are no other reasons to believe in God. But there are at least two other good reasons to believe God exists.
2. How did life begin?
Now even if the universe did just pop into existence one day, there is still the nagging question, how did life begin? Because for most of the Darwinian Evolutionary story there isn’t life at all, just lots of things made up of different chemicals. When it comes to the question of how did life begin, even Harvard biologist, Andrew Knoll is honest enough to say “The short answer is we don’t really know how life originated on this planet.” Now I will be the first to say that there is a difference between what is true, and what could be true but is currently unknown given our limitations. In other words it could be the case that what is true is that life began without God, but we currently lack the technology to explain how that happened. I understand that is possible, but it doesn’t seem highly probable. In the same way, something like matter does not come from nothing, so it seems unlikely that one kind of something (chemicals) would produce a fundamentally different kind of something (life). But it would make perfect sense for something different, like God (who is himself a living being) to produce something similar to himself (more life).
3. What is the purpose of life?
I will be the first to admit that the way my mind answers this last question is the least rational of the three questions. But there is something inside me that hungers for purpose and significance. And when I think about a world in which there is no God, then there is not a lot of room for purpose or significance. In a world without God the most significant thing I could do with my existence is to please me. And truth be told, I have tried that, and yes, there are still times I fall back into that, but every time I do it’s terrible. I am terrible at living for me, because half the time I don’t even know what I want, let alone what will make my life truly significant. I am terrible at writing the story of my life. On the other hand, when I live as if God exists (namely the God and Father of Jesus), and when I seek him to determine my purpose and significance, trusting that both those things truly come only from him… well, it’s crazy, but that’s when I actually find myself pleased.
I have asked myself these three questions many times, and I imagine I’ll ask them again. But every time doubt in my Creator arises they have served as the initial roads that lead me back to belief.
In the future I’ll talk about how the bible and personal experience can also serve as two roads which can take one from doubt to belief.
What about you, what are your doubts about faith or God? How do you handle them?
The notion of eternity has always scared me to death. As a pastor, that is not exactly easy to admit, but it’s true. If I think too long about the idea of living forever I will literally start to freak out. I know I am not alone in this. Many times students in our church have shared with me that they don’t like thinking about heaven because when they think about eternity it scares them.
Eternity is scary, but only when our picture of heaven is vague. So to help us overcome the fear, here are five crazy things I think followers of Jesus will likely do in heaven.
1. Flying (Acts 1:3-10)
After His resurrection Jesus met with his disciples to give them final instructions. After He had finished, the Bible says “ he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight. They [the disciples] were looking intently up into the sky as he was going…” Like a scene out of Iron Man, Jesus flew up into the clouds. If His resurrected body could fly, then there is good reason to believe that when we receive resurrected bodies we will be able to fly also.
2. Walking Through Walls (John 20:19-20, 26-27)
Before they knew Jesus was alive again, the disciples were in a home “with the doors locked” and yet Jesus “came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you!’” Locked doors and solid walls could not stop the resurrected Jesus from appearing to his disciples inside the home. And we know that this appearance of Jesus was not just a vision or even just spiritual. Jesus talked to his disciples, he ate with them, and he even let Thomas touch his wounds. These are all signs that he was very physically present. By the power of the Spirit his new resurrected physical body was able to pass through material objects. I think our future resurrected bodies will, in reflection of Jesus, do the same thing.
3. Running Faster Than A Horse (1 Kings 18:45-46)
“Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain started falling and Ahab rode off to Jezreel. The power of the LORD came on Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel” (1 Kings 18:45-46). God gave Elijah the power to run so fast that even though Ahab had left before him on a horse, Elijah was able run faster than Ahab’s horse, and arrived first. If the Spirit of God gave Elijah that power on earth, why would he withhold it from us in heaven?
4. Walking on Water (Matthew 14:22-29)
It is a famous story that we all know. In the midst of a storm, Jesus walks on water, and then Peter wants to do the same thing. Sure enough, Jesus calls him out of the boat, and together they stand on water. Sure, Peter started to sink, but it was only because of his lack of faith. If Jesus allowed Peter do such a thing on Earth how much more when we too have resurrected bodies and unhindered faith in Jesus will we, like Peter, be able to walk on water with Jesus.
5. Teleporting (Acts 8:38-40)
Philip was on his way down to Gaza. On the way he comes across an Ethiopian official with questions about the words from the prophet Isaiah. Philip explains how Isaiah was talking about Jesus, the official puts his trust in Jesus, and then he asks to be baptized. Philip baptizes the official, but then the Bible says the Spirit of the Lord “suddenly took Philip away…” and “… Philip appeared at Azotus.” Azotus was roughly 19 miles away from Philip’s intended destination of Gaza. It’s therefore safe to say the Spirit of the Lord teleported Philip at least 19 miles in order to move him to Azotus. No matter what the distance was, what is clear is that the same Spirit, who lives in every believer, supernaturally moved Philip. If the Spirit was able to move Philip on Earth how much more should we expect the Spirit of God to freely empower us to move in heaven?
I don’t know about you but when I think about flying, walking through buildings, running super-fast, walking on water, and teleporting all by the power of the Holy Spirit, as a reflection of Jesus, to the glory and enjoyment of the Father… well, now eternity just sounds fun.
 These activities are based on the following lines of thought:
After Jesus’s resurrection he was given a new body. When we are resurrected we will be given a new body like the body of Jesus. Therefore, what he was able to do with his glorious body, we will be able to do with ours in the New Heavens and New Earth.
All miracles are the result of the power of the Holy Spirit. In heaven we will be completely full of the Spirit (without sin to hinder His presence). Therefore whatever the Holy Spirit empowered people to do on Earth, He will empower them to do in Heaven.
Why did God let a madman shoot up a school? Better yet, why did He let Adam sin? Better yet, why did He let Satan into the garden? Better yet, why did He let evil into Satan’s heart?
Why is there evil at all?
Sure it’s true that God Himself through Jesus Christ came to rescue sinners from evil and to redeem the world. But why should the world and the people in it need rescuing in the first place? Is God like a man who built a house, rented it out to tenants and then set it on fire so that He could later rescue them? And even if we say that, in God’s case, He did not actively set the house on fire, He just allowed it to happen, He is still the one that had the power to stop it and chose not to. Why?
Some say God did not stop evil because He could not; others say He did not stop evil because He chose not to. Among those who say He chose not to stop evil, there are those who say it is because God is evil, and then there are others who say it is because God wants to work good from the evil. In either case, God still appears evil. Because even a God who allows the ends to justify the means appears to be a God who is simply a manipulator of creation, like someone just doing the best He can with what He has to work with.
But the God of the Bible is none of these things. So why then did YHWH allow evil into the world?
Imagine evil never existed. Imagine Adam and Eve never sinned. And not only did they never sin they never had the option to sin, because evil was nowhere in existence. What then could we know of God? We could know His power. We could know His intelligence. But we could never know His Grace.
Grace–unmerited favor–cannot be known in a world without evil. Grace does not exist in a perfect world because in a perfect world everything is merited. Every reward is the natural consequence of the perfect action that preceded it. But in a world where there is evil, there are many actions that merit condemnation, judgment, and even wrath. And in that world there is now space for Grace.
In an evil world there is now an open place for favor to be poured out where it should not be. In an evil world Grace shines brightly against the just consequence of condemnation.
Grace…an unknowable quality of God in a world without evil. Could it be that the great I AM is interested in displaying all of who He IS?
In Grace we see a characteristic of God that is wholly unlike any other conceived divine being. In Grace we see the holiness of God (His otherness). In Grace we see the beauty of God. In Grace we see the love of God in a way that otherwise would not be possible.
The Cross, the great symbol of Grace, is not just about salvation from evil, nor is it just about Jesus conquering evil. It is even more: it is a glorious beacon brightly shining in the darkness of night, displaying who God IS.
Evil is necessary for Grace. Grace is an essential attribute of God. God desires to fully display His attributes. Therefore evil exists.
What are your thoughts?
Why not enjoy life now, do whatever I want and then pursue Jesus later…after I’ve had all my fun? This was the question we discussed last night at our high school group. It’s is a good question, one I thought about in high school and have since thought about as an adult. For most of us if we’re honest we’d admit that there are times when we see others “enjoying” life apart from God and we can’t help but think— why can’t I do that and then ask for forgiveness later?
But the question is usually asked when we’re not thinking about three things…
1. I am not in control of when I die.
God says in James 4:13-14
13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
No one has control over their tomorrow. We can make plans but ultimately our life is in God’s hands. My family became painfully aware of this truth last fall when my wife’s mother died unexpectedly of a brain aneurism. She was healthy, full of life, and we should have had many more years with her. But instead our lives were turned upside and we were forced to come to terms with a new reality.
Medical emergencies, car accidents, and even school shootings are everyday reminders that we are not in complete control of our mortality. So when we assume that we’ll have many tomorrows in order to turn our lives around we’re making a pretty foolish assumption.
2. God has good things for me to do now
Ephesians 2:10 says, For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
This is one of the greatest promises of God. If I have given my life to Jesus, then I can know that Jesus has prepared good things for me do. I can literally wake up every morning and say to God, “Would you lead me to the good things you have for me today”. My job, then, is simply to be faithful to where God’s leads me. The reason I pursue Jesus isn’t just to avoid negative consequences, but rather to enjoy watching God do good things through me.
3. In Jesus I have access to joy–all the time
This leads to the third truth, in Jesus there is joy—all the time.
Psalm 16:11- You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
In the presence of Jesus there is joy. Now what I didn’t know in high school was that this verse does not mean that Jesus will fill my life with joyful things. Instead it means, despite the suffering that may come from external circumstances, there is joy when I acknowledge the presence of Jesus over all my life and chose to praise Him–no matter the situation.
This is actually an amazing experiment to try sometime. Wait till you’re angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, anxious, or stressed out of your mind…and then start worshiping Jesus. Seriously. Start with the simple stuff, like “Jesus I thank you for giving me a mind, and thoughts, and the ability to think. Jesus I praise you for color and giving me eyes to see it. Jesus I praise for creating good flavors and the ability to enjoy food. Jesus I praise you for the trees outside that look like they are lifting their arms to worship you” …whatever comes to your mind. As you do this you will literally feel your heart soften, and the beginnings of joy enter in. It is this secret of life that led the Apostle Paul to exclaim, Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Philippians 4:4), while suffering in prison. Jesus is worth pursing now, because He offers joy now.
Life maybe short and unpredictable, but in Jesus we know that there are good things planned for us and joy in His presence–now and forever.
When have you been tempted to ask, why can’t I sin now and then ask for forgiveness later? How have you experienced the joy of Jesus’ presence? What has motivated you to pursue Jesus?
Think about the last time you sinned. Why did you do it?
When I sin it is because in that moment my experience seems to run contrary to God’s truth. Or to put it another way, the reality I am experiencing is running contrary to the truth I have been told to accept. Sometimes, in that moment of temptation, I don’t believe that my soon-to-be experience of sin will in reality actually be sin. Other times, I don’t believe that the “sinful” experience will in fact lead to any “real” death, “real” destruction or “real” consequence. Because in that moment of temptation, I don’t accept that God’s truth will in fact correspond to my reality.
Recently in a time of confession I told God this. I told Him that there are times when I don’t believe Him, I told Him there are times I do not accept that His truth corresponded to my reality. And do you know what His first words of response were to me:
“I Am Reality”
Then the Bible verses came to my mind…God’s revealed name to Moses, of “I AM” …Jesus’ use of “I AM”
Is not this identity statement of “I AM” the most succinct and profound way to communicate, “I am existence”, “I am the essence of being”, and “I am Reality “
Why does this matter?
If God is Reality, and if Jesus is God in human flesh, then to know God through Jesus is to know Reality. Reality therefore cannot be based on your’s or mine’s experiences. Because our experience is at best only our perception of reality. Thus when our experiences of God’s truth do not correspond to what we perceived to be reality we should not look to condemn God’s truth but rather to condemn our perceived reality. God truth could no more be separated from reality then light could be separated from the sun. Because just as the sun is the source of light, so too God as Reality is the source of Truth.
Thus the next time you or I are having the experience of temptation, we can cling to the truth that God is Reality, which will in turn serve as good reason to distrust our distrust of God. And then in that moment of distrust of our distrust of God, we will be able to run to God, trusting that as “I AM”, He will shine his Truth upon us.
When I was growing up I thought if I was struggling with some sin or weakness, that it was my job to do more to fix it. I thought if I just read my bible more, prayed more, or tried harder to be like Jesus, everything would get better— it never worked. I have since learned that when it comes to spiritual battles, Jesus doesn’t want me to do more, He wants to do more for me. But that can only happen if I’m willing to let Jesus fight my battles.
Maybe you’d like Jesus to fight your battles but you’re unsure of how that actually happens (I was for a long time). So here are three ways to start:
- Tell Jesus exactly what’s on your heart and mind-Jesus is one person you can be so honest with, that in his presence you can feel emotionally naked. (It’s like the Garden all over again). Without fear or shame, you can tell Jesus exactly what you’re feeling, and exactly what you want in any moment. No matter how bad it is. Often I will literally say things like “Jesus right now I’m feeling _____________” or “Jesus right now I really want to ____________________”. Whether it’s cheating, sharing gossip, lying, cutting, stealing, watching porn, lashing out in anger or wanting to kill someone, we let Jesus fight our battles when we confess all our temptations to him. Remembering all the while, that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
- Ask Jesus for healing and removal- Your heart and mind are full of wounds and idols (welcome to the club). Some put there by you, some put there by the actions of others. But no matter how they came about each of us needs our wounds healed and our idols removed. So I will say things like, “Jesus would you heal my heart, Jesus would you heal my mind”, or “Jesus would you show me the idols of my heart…would you remove the idols of my heart”. Until my wounds are healed and my idols destroyed I will continue to be overpowered by temptation and a slave to sin. Thankfully Jesus can heal and remove, as 1 Peter 2:24 says, Christ carried our sins in his body on the cross so that freed from our sins, we could live a life that has God’s approval. His wounds have healed you. Jesus has done all the necessary work on the Cross and so that now you can receive all the benefits.
- Speak God’s Truth over you- Finally speak God’s Truth over your life. This is where all the real power is. As you proclaim God’s Word over your life, you will feel Jesus giving strength to your body and soul. It is like letting Jesus breath life in places where there was death. Do it out loud, because there is much more power in God’s Truth spoken out loud. I will say things like:“God says, I am His adopted child” (Galatians 4:6),“God says, I am valuable” (Matthew 6:26),“God says, He has good things planned for me” (Ephesians 2:10),“God says, nothing can separate me from His love” (Romans 8:38-39).
In Jesus there really is victory! I pray these practices help you, as they have helped me. And I pray you would know the joy of watching Jesus fight and win all your battles.